They keys to a great marriage are not hard to find? Never take the little things of love for granted.

Published 9:44 am Friday, June 8, 2018

Several years ago at a beautiful wedding, the bride and groom’s parents presented their children with “Keys to a Great Marriage.”

It was a touching experience to witness these parents share important attributes and truths they felt important in their own marriages with their children.

Today, generations of people are asking if biblical marriage really works anymore. Statistically, the death of one out of two marriages deeply underlines the ongoing struggles couples have in seeking successful marriages.

Often personal agendas, past baggage and secrets, selfishness, other relationships, self-centeredness and laziness result in the breakup of marriage and families.

What does it mean to be married? Pastor and writer R. Paul Stevens writes: “To be married means to have our privacy invaded, to live dangerously close to another sinner, to be interfered with by someone who claims to love us but does not always know how. Yet to be married also means to celebrate a sacrament every day, all day, through everything we share, even when we are not together. Marriage is a risky business, but one that is fraught with the deepest kind of joy.”

Celebrating 50 years of marriage June 1, we wrote our own “Keys to a Great Marriage” and encourage you to make your own list as well:

• Have a vibrant, passionate love for God
• Covenant with God in holy commitment to your marriage and family
• Desire to please each other sexually and physically
• Be playful — enjoy games together — winning is ok!
• Study your spouse — know what they like and don’t like
• Be kind to each other — just as you would be to your friends
• Listen carefully when they talk — don’t nag or interrupt
• Laugh often — even belly laugh — read funny stories to each other
• Listen to music “oldies” that you enjoy — remember the sweet times
• Take walks together, bike rides, car rides — enjoy God’s world
• Every night hold each other in bed and pray together
• Give back rubs — foot rubs — touch non-sexually
• Ask permission when using each other’s things
• Respect privacy and each other’s personal space — allow alone time
• Have good manners – hold doors open for your loved one
• When angry — take time to reset before talking; be the one to apologize first
• Look for the good in each other — be observant, encourage and speak of these good qualities to them
• Enjoy and celebrate your differences
• Go out for breakfast — take time to slip away with each other
• Be spontaneous, take a day trip to nowhere — stop and see new things
• Read a devotional together at a meal time — talk about where you are with God
• Learn to dance together
• Drink tea or coffee together each morning or evening — share your day
• Encourage hobbies and times away from each other
• Have friends — enjoy sports or shopping with others
• Keep strong boundaries between others of the opposite sex
• Remember the 4 As — no arguing, no anger, no anxiety and no advice
• Don’t disrespect your spouse with looks, words or actions even if teasing
• Worship together — find a place you can both grow and serve
• Forgive often — refuse to hold grudges — talk and communicate your feelings and keep trying
• Seek outside help (counseling) when your relationship is struggling or dealing with issues that are not being resolved
• Be a safe place for each other — trust takes time
• Discuss financial needs — issues — work together
• Give each other the freedom to become who God leads them to be
• Be kind to each other; be respectful of each other’s families
• Always be your spouse’s biggest fan — speak highly of them in their presence
• Keep learning and developing as individuals — mentally, spiritually and emotionally
• Seek God’s will for you and your spouse in prayer together; be specific
• Know what pleases them — understand what their love language is
• Don’t neglect each other — make time to connect!
• Work to be healthy, attractive, clean and smell good. Get exercise, rest and eat healthy.
• When one of you is down — be patient and kind and wait for them to recover — don’t be pushy and demanding
• Live the rest of your days as if “I could choose again, I would choose you”
• Living together year after year can be tough so enjoy the good moments. Savor little things like a cup of coffee together, a secret smile, a juicy strawberry, a hot piece of bread and butter, a walk through the park or woods, a beautiful sunrise or sunset, a loving, tender look in each other’s eyes knowing you belong.

Paul Powell, a pastor and author has said: “A good marriage is not a gift; it is an achievement. It can’t be performed for us by the minister. It doesn’t come in a package with the wedding ceremony. It is a result of two people working together and striving together to build a happy relationship. This is most likely to happen when Jesus Christ is Lord of your life. This is because he gives us the capacity to love as he loved, and the greatest need of every marriage is to have God’s kind of love in it.”

A lifetime marriage takes intentional determination and hard work. It creates either tender patience or a bitter contempt and disrespect for one another. It is a choice. Choose to live together with hope and thankfulness celebrating the one God blessed you with in marriage!

At Centrepoint Ministries in Tyler, Ron and Beth Wells use teaching, mentoring and discipleship to help people build strong relationships. Learn more at centrepoint.cc.