Age of Guan is relative

Published 6:05 pm Saturday, April 13, 2013

C’mon America. Are we really going to fall for this again?

Did we not learn anything from the 2008 Beijing Olympics?

Guan Tianlang has been all the rage at the Masters this week, becoming the youngest player to ever compete in the prestigious event.

China says he’s 14 years old, but should we really believe them? I’m positive he’s 12.

How else to explain how he was slapped with a stroke penalty for slow play in the second round? That’s a mistake preteens might make, but definitely not a teenager.

It makes sense too that Yao Ming is older than stated. His legs gave away like those of an 80-year-old man, ending his career prematurely. Could it be that Yao was actually 50 and not 30 when he retired two years ago? It seems likely.

Just like the Olympics five years back when China fielded a team of under-age gymnastics stars, I’m pretty sure Tianlang has been trained to beat Americans.

I think it’s all a big distraction as China and the rest of the world figure out what to do with North Korea. Ever since former NBA legend/sideshow Dennis Rodman visited Kim Jong-Un, the young North Korean dictator has been emboldened to threaten the U.S. and South Korea.

This would all go away if China stopped propping up the North Koreans by providing most of the destitute nation’s food and fuel — Kim wouldn’t be able to worm his way out of that scenario and the dictatorship would crumble.

Instead we get Guan competing at the Masters as the youngster proves that in China, age is relative.

P.S.: China, I know you guys like to hack the accounts of newspapers, so I’ll allow you a head start by giving you my email address (tyoesting@tylerpaper.com) and twitter (@TYoestingETFS) so you can either give me some illegal feedback or provide me with a forged birth certificate. Thanks in advance.