Te’o not fooling anyone

Published 9:23 pm Wednesday, January 16, 2013

FILE - In this Nov. 10, 2012, file photo, Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o waits for the snap during the second half of their NCAA college football game against Boston College in Boston. A story that Te'o's girlfriend had died of leukemia - a loss he said inspired him to help lead the Irish to the BCS championship game - was dismissed by the university Wednesday, Jan. 16, 2013, as a hoax perpetrated against the linebacker. (AP Photo/Winslow Townson, File)

Bravo, Manti Te’o.

Well done, too, to your buddy Ronaiah Tuiasosopo.

I’m impressed; I really am.

For carrying on a hoax that had national media kissing at your feet and eating up every word for the last four months: congratulations.

You’ve gotten just about everything you could want from your senior season at Notre Dame: winning the Walter Camp, Butkus, Chuck Bednarik and Bronko Nagurski awards and finishing runner-up in the Heisman to Johnny Manziel (who’s girlfriend is very much alive).



You set yourself up to be a first-round pick in the NFL, where untold millions await.

It’s a crying shame Deadspin caught on and broke the story today, illuminating you and your pal for the cunning schemers you are.

Now NFL franchises will think twice about picking you in the draft.

Without the story of your girlfriend’s death, now shown to be a sham, you’re back to being an average player on a hype-driven team; a linebacker with decent numbers but little substance.

Unfortunately, you will lose money because Deadspin’s Timothy Burke and Jack Dickey decided to dig a little deeper into this fabrication that had everyone fooled. Money you earned by having the foresight to create a fake girlfriend who suffered a fake death, even at the cost diminishing the impact of your real grandmother’s real death.

I ask you, please, do not continue to plead ignorance. Sure, it’s plausible to deny you had any knowledge this was a hoax, but there are too many holes in the story and eventually the truth will come out. (And if you weren’t in on it, I’m really sorry bro. Internet relationships are tricky; it’s regrettable Catfish star Nev Schulman couldn’t help you sooner.)

I have to admit, in the lead up to the Heisman Trophy presentation, I wanted nothing more than for you to lose. I’m a big Manziel fan, but I also recognized you for what you were, a product of the Notre Dame hype machine.

Now that I found out that you were the mastermind of that hype, I have a newfound respect for you and your process.

So I’m sorry that you’ll be passed over by dozens of NFL teams because of this clever transgression. But on the bright side, you won’t do any worse than had your fake girlfriend’s fake death not become a national story, elevating you beyond college football player.

Maybe now your dad will lift his blacklist of a Hawaii newspaper for doing nothing more than delivering an appropriate headline and photo after your team was dismantled by Alabama in the title game. The picture of Eddie Lacy running you over with the headline “Bowled Over” epitomized the match. Now your father, after being in on this little hoax, may want a little time with the local media to sort this thing out. His NFL payday won’t be as big as he hoped.

Regardless of what others may think, I’m delighted someone was able to dupe the media so dramatically that journalists everywhere, myself included, will have to double check every story they’re told.

Aside from inspiring you to play better, your fake girlfriend’s fake death has inspired me to be a better journalist.

This ruse was the most impressive exploit I’ve seen since, oh, well, Lance Armstrong. You almost got away with it, too, and I wish you had.

To choose to go to Notre Dame over USC — saying you prayed on it when in the back of your mind you knew the possibility for this kind of prank was greater at a religious school that would more likely believe you on faith — was the start of a long con that ended today.

Notre Dame did its part, too. The fans ate up your story and the school covered up the narrative for the past few weeks (since Dec. 26) and in the lead up to the BCS championship.

I’m sad the subterfuge is nearly at a close. I’m disappointed your master plan was thwarted before you could (legally) profit from it.

It was one heck of a try though. Best of luck to in the future, and may your future love life be as exciting as this fake relationship.