Reid Kerr

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, my friends. We can finally stop talking about the half of the league that stinks, and begin obsessing over the ones that have triumphed, overcome, or simply stumbled into the postseason.

Not you, Cincinnati. Your indignance at a team that clinched a playoff spot the day after Thanksgiving not risking injury to their players just to help you make the postseason is far more delicious than your chili will ever be.

Before we get to the playoffs, a quick look at the open coaching positions and what we know.

— Nothing is more vital than a good quarterback, so I think Chicago is the best job available. But then again, it’s almost always available.

— I think Drake Maye is a solid starter in New England, but the rest of that roster has about 1.5 other guys on it who could start for other teams, and the rest are at what I still call “Barcelona Dragon talent level” players.

— Jacksonville is interesting with some young players, but doesn’t it feel like Trevor Lawrence has been in the league for four years and already played for nine head coaches and 14 offensive coordinators? Couple that with a GM that doesn’t seem like a coach’s best friend and I’d be wary of moving to Duval County. I mean, even more so than usual.

— The Raiders and Jets are just bad juju. I trust those front offices like I trust a dollar store pregnancy test. Their “Commitment to Excellence” has quickly become a commitment to hilarious catastrophe.

— If the Saints were a person and this was a job interview, they’d need a good shower, shave, and a complete change of blood before I’d consider working with them. Management has put that franchise in a huge hole, and has traded away all of their ladders and shovels.

— And for all of the fan bases who are longing for a fresh start, remember a couple of things. Bill Belichick is not walking through that door, for one. He’s firmly committed to North Carolina for … well, the next couple of months, at least. And more importantly, Lions coach Dan Campbell went 3-13-1 his first year, then 1-6 to start the next before it finally clicked. He’s 35-9 since then. Sometimes patience is a virtue.

Time for my Wild Card picks. I closed out the regular season by going 6-0, which is awesome. I also went 1-4-1 against the Vegas point spreads, which is the exact opposite of awesome. That means I finish 2024 at 68-35, but only 45-57-1 against Vegas. I look forward to working off my losses over the summer on the loading dock at Formerly Fat Tony’s Pawn Shop/Bail Bonds/Vape Emporium. Here’s my picks, and remember, there’s always an upset in the first round of the playoffs. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

LA Chargers (-3) at Houston: I wish I could take advantage of the Texans being home underdogs in this one, but the two things I focus on in the playoffs are the defense and the offensive line, and the Texans are just snake-eyes on both of those.

Pick: Chargers to win and cover, winning by three points or more.

Pittsburgh (+9.5) at Baltimore: This rivalry game has all the feel of the last Monday Night Raw before Wrestlemania. It’ll be chippy out there, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see somebody storm the field swinging a folding chair.

Pick: Ravens to win and cover, winning by ten or more points.

Denver (+8.5) at Buffalo: I give Josh Allen the edge in the MVP race because Lamar Jackson has Derrick Henry, while the Bills offense has no one else on it I can name. And I even own a jersey for one of those guys, whoever he is.

Pick: Bills to win but not cover, winning by eight or fewer points.

Green Bay (+5.5) at Philadelphia: I simultaneously fear the Eagles, and do not trust them. In that way, they are very similar to many members of my family I only see at the holidays, and who still owe me money.

Pick: Packers to win it outright.

Washington (+3) at Tampa Bay: Baker Mayfield’s signature play seems to be scrambling to induce a late hit, then firing up his team by Hulk-ing out at the sheer indignity of it.

Pick: Bucs to win but not cover, winning by two or fewer points.

Minnesota (-2.5) vs. LA Rams at Arizona: I still don’t fully get Vikings quarterback Sam Darnold. Is he the guy with the 102 QB Rating, or the guy the Lions bullied into looking awful last week? He’s an enigma, a human box of question marks, simmering in secret sauce.

Pick: Rams to win it outright.

I’ll also take the American Red Cross, LA Fire Department Foundation, and the California Fire Foundation if you’d like to help with recovery from the California fires. Good luck, everybody.