Reid Kerr

We hear a lot these days about “parity” in the NFL. Webster’s Dictionary defines parity as “the quality or state of being equal or equivalent.”

By the way, whenever I’m listening to a presentation and the speaker starts with something out of the dictionary, I immediately start heckling. Crack a joke and keep your research papers to yourself, Chester. But anyway, in terms of this NFL season, I can define parity easily.

Chaos.

That’s what we’re seeing right now, pure unadulterated chaos every week in the NFL. Anything is possible, nothing is certain, and even safe bets are falling apart. The competitive nature of the league has dragged everything to the middle where there are no great teams, just a bunch of good ones and a couple of real stinkers.

The Cowboys look great, except when they went down 30-0 to a bad Broncos team. The World Champions are on a two-game losing streak. Every NFC team except the Lions is within a game and half of a playoff spot. We’re halfway through the season with no clear favorite for Most Valuable Player, and the two guys with the best odds just got beaten by Jacksonville and Washington, somehow.

Former NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle didn’t like the term “parity,” he preferred “balance.” He wanted a league where every team had a chance. “On any given Sunday…” and all that. Well, we’re definitely to that point, and every Sunday is a “given” one for somebody. And usually a bad one for anyone with money on the game.

Any team can win a big one, and any team can have a bad day. And sometimes, the Lions and Steelers had one simultaneously.

Seriously, that tie last week was the worst pro football game I’ve ever seen, and I still have XFL games on my DVR.

If you doubt the current state of parity in the NFL, let me leave you with this one telling statistic. There are only two teams with no losses in November, and if you know who they are, you can win bar bets from Kilgore to Kathmandu.

Those teams are Washington and Detroit.

Mind? Blown.

Now on to the picks. In week 10 I went 4-2 and 2-4 against the Vegas spread. In my defense, I didn’t expect the Rams receivers to play the Monday Night game in freshly greased gloves. I’m now 35-25 on the season and 26-33-1 against Vegas, which means I’m having a worse month than the Jets defense. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

Dallas (plus 2.5) at Kansas City: If I’m in Kansas City, I’m not sure if I’m happier that Patrick Mahomes brought us a Super Bowl, or that he brought us Whataburger. At best, it might be a 1 and 1a type situation.

Pick: Chiefs to win and cover, winning by three or more.

Houston (plus 10.5) at Tennessee: Currently, a one dollar bet on the Texans to win the Super Bowl would win you $2,500. Take my advice, just take that buck to the Dollar Tree. You have a much better chance of improving your life.

Pick: Titans to win and cover, winning by eleven or more.

Washington (plus 3.5) at Carolina: On Cam Newton’s first play back with the Panthers, he scored a touchdown and got an unsportsmanslike conduct penalty. That’s about as Cam as Cam could possibly be.

Pick: Washington to win it outright.

Cincinnati (minus 1) at Las Vegas: The Raiders are in full mid-season collapse mode already. Oakland may have been used to that, but one more loss and that Vegas fanbase will go back to throwing their ticket money at Celine Dion and Carrot Top.

Pick: Bengals to win and cover, winning by two or more.

Pittsburgh (plus 6) at LA Chargers: The Steelers have the worst backup quarterback situation I’ve seen since the post-Aikman, pre-Romo Cowboys.

Pick: Chargers to win and cover, winning by seven or more.

NY Giants (plus 11) at Tampa Bay: Trading Odell Beckham Jr. to the Browns in 2019 might have been the best player-personnel move the Giants have made in a decade.

Pick: Bucs to win but not cover, winning by 10 or fewer.

I’ll also take the Eagles over the Saints, the 49ers over the Jaguars, and Ghostbusters over all the sequels. Good luck everybody.

Reid Kerr thinks it’s odd the coaches are dressed in camo this month, since they’re not exactly out on jungle recon. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.