Patrice Dunagin

PATRICE DUNAGIN, Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Service

A bully comes in many sizes, shapes, and ages. The bully can be found in the classroom, in cyberspace or on the highway. She can be the second-grader who is always shoving others and calling names, or he can be the middle-aged man at the country club who calls his waiter an idiot. We have all witnessed a bullying episode, been bullied or have been a bully ourselves.

What is bullying? It is deliberate, unprovoked actions by the bully, meant to cause fear or harm. Bullying includes three basic ingredients; an imbalance of power, an intent to do harm and a threat of further acts of aggression.

Bullying can be physical or psychological. Physical bullying includes hitting, slapping, kicking and twisting of arms. Psychological bullying includes, name calling, taunting, ridiculing, racist and sexist comments. This kind of bullying also involves a group of children excluding or rejecting a child.

Children are not born bullies; they must be taught. Generally, children who bully are impulsive and have little or no concern for the feelings of others. They crave attention and like to dominate other children. Their behavior could also be linked to insecurity, loneliness or anger. Research shows that some children learn bullying behavior before they enter preschool. Now that is scary.

Warning signs that a child is being bullied include:

— Sudden lack of interest in school and after school activities.

— Grades begin to drop.

— Withdrawing from family and school activities.

— Torn or missing clothing.

— Unexplained bumps and bruises.

— Very hungry after school, could mean their lunch money is being taken.

— Changes in sleep routine.

— Often complains of feeling sick, especially stomach aches and headaches.

— Threatens to hurt self and others.

— Starts to bully other children.

Warning signs that a child is a bully include:

— Manipulates and dominates others.

— Enjoys feeling powerful and in control.

— Both a poor winner and a poor loser.

— Blames others for his/her problems.

— Shows uncontrolled behavior.

— Lacks empathy for others.

How can we help stop this behavior? As adults, when we witness bullying, we need to step up and stop it immediately. It will take the combined efforts of parents, children, teachers and the community to stop the problem of bullying.

If you think your child is a bully, make it clear that it is unacceptable behavior. Have consistent consequences for bullying behavior. Teach and reward positive behavior, help them learn positive ways to handle anger and frustration, help them make amends for their bullying and get professional help if the bullying continues.

If your child is being bullied, let your child know the bullying is not their fault and that he or she does not have to deal with this alone. Teach your child to be assertive (which is not the same as aggressive). Report the bullying to the school and keep a written record. Do not minimize the bully’s behavior, don’t try to mediate the situation and don’t tell your child to fight back. Instead, role-play how to be assertive.

If the bully does not change his behavior, he will grow to be an old bully. The bullied child is usually shy, quiet, passive, submissive, fearful or anxious. Bullying can have devastating consequences, resulting in physical and emotional harm to the child. Talk to your child, know what is going on in his life, encourage his talents and skills, be a positive role model and help stop the serious problem of bullying.

For more information, contact Patrice Dunagin, Smith County FCS agent for Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Service, at 903-590-2980.