Reid Kerr

The season may have ended, but it was anything but a quiet week around the world of football. Lots to catch up on, so here goes.

To start with, Black Monday was almost disappointing in terms of volume, but the rest of the week made up for it. Three of the most successful coaches in history all hung it up within 48 hours of each other, although I’m not convinced any of them will stay out of coaching. My dream is that they get together and do a Grumpy Old Football Men Podcast. Or maybe start a band, and call it “Belichick-Carroll-Saban Overdrive.”

And speaking of coaches, the Titans canning Mike Vrabel is a good move for everybody involved. Except the Titans, I mean.

Congrats to Michigan on their championship win. I think we can all admit Jim Harbaugh is a great football coach, and also a very weird dude. It’s like he’s some droid sent from the future that is programmed with all this football knowledge, but none of the social constructs and parameters to blend in with society.

Oh, and Saints fans? That last-minute touchdown? Two words for you. Bush. League. Not the score, but lining up in victory formation and then running an actual play out of it. Although that single moment showed why people love to play with Jameis Winston, and don’t care much for working with Dennis Allen.

Also, I have no idea where “bush league” came from, or why we all know what it means.

I’ve been waiting for Derrick Henry’s production to drop off for four years now. I guess I’ll predict that again next year when he’s with a new team. That dude still runs a like a Formula 1 dump truck.

I maintain there is no player as dangerous as an underrated Baker Mayfield. Or less dangerous than a properly rated one, which makes his career kind of uneven.

Somehow, the Carolina Panthers went the entire season without holding a lead for a single second during the fourth quarter. Seriously. Look it up. It’s an incredible non-achievment. It’s like discovering plutonium on accident.

The Falcons in three years under Arthur Smith were 7-10, 7-10, and 7-10. Consistency is overrated.

And finally, when it comes time for the Texans to vote for the MVP of this season, I hope someone brings up Lovie Smith’s name. If he hadn’t led the 2022 Texans to that meaningless last-week win over the Colts that got him fired, Houston would have had the first draft pick, and probably taken Bryce Young over CJ Stroud. Cue up the old line about “unanswered prayers” here, Texans fans.

Time for my wild card round picks. Last week, I went 4-2, and also 4-2 against the Vegas spread. In my defense, I always pick against the Bills so I don’t jinx them. I wind up 70-40 on the season, and 54-49-4 against Vegas overall. In all my years here at the paper, I’m now 451-276-2 lifetime, and 477-461-29 against the oddsmakers. According to my attorney Dewey Sherlock, that isn’t even the most expensive relationship I’ve had during that time. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

Cleveland (-2) at Houston: The battle between the two candidates for Coach of the Year. No offense here, but Kevin Stefanski took a mediocre team with a good defense and won a wild card spot, admittedly starting five different quarterbacks. DeMeco Ryans took a team that was an absolute clown autopsy and won a division title with a rookie quarterback and a rookie offensive coordinator. Advantage, Texans.

Pick: Browns to win and cover, winning by three or more points.

Miami (+4.5) at Kansas City: Don’t forget, this one is only available on a streaming service, so look into that early. And if you forget and don’t start to sign up for Peacock until the game starts, it might be over with by the time you get your credit card number entered.

Pick: Chiefs to win but not cover, winning but four or fewer points.

Pittsburgh (+10) at Buffalo: Rumors about Pittsburgh parting ways with Mike Tomlin are about as dumb as rumors of peanut butter parting ways with jelly.

Pick: Bills to win and cover, winning by 11 points or more.

Green Bay (+7) at Dallas: Is this a revenge game for former Packers coach Mike McCarthy? No, it’s more like a “win and keep your job for another week” game.

Pick: Cowboys to win but not cover, winning by six or fewer points.

LA Rams (+3) at Detroit: Somehow, the Lions are being upstaged in their first home playoff game in 30 years by the guy they traded away three years ago. That’s such a Lions thing to have happen.

Pick: Lions to win but not cover, winning by two or fewer points.

Philadelphia (-3) at Tampa Bay: Maybe the best thing you can say about this Eagles season is that it has a chance to end on the road, instead of in front of a hometown crowd who all asked Santa for “new throwing batteries” for Christmas.

Pick: Eagles to win it outright.

I’ll also take snow over sleet, working from home over winter commutes, and doing my laundry over hosting the Golden Globes. Good luck everybody.

Reid Kerr thinks nothing is less useful than postgame interviews, except possibly halftime ones. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.