Reid Kerr

Sometimes during the season, I’ll do a mailbag where I answer your questions. Since almost all of the comments I get are about one team these days, let’s just do a quick summary on those.

“What’s wrong with the Dallas Cowboys?”

How much time do you have? There’s quite the laundry list. Defensive injuries definitely haven’t helped, but this is a team that can’t stop the run. Which is kind of important, especially when you’re also a team that can’t run the ball. Success starts up front, and that’s also where abject failure begins. Quick example from that Thursday night Saints-Broncos game, which you probably didn’t watch unless you’re a hardcore Saints fan. The Broncos are not an exceptionally good team, they have a rookie quarterback, no stars, and no player who’s going to sell a ton of jerseys. But that team can run the ball, and that’s why they have a chance to be a playoff team. You run the ball and stop the run, you win. As the great philosopher David Lee Roth once said, “It’s not rocket surgery, people.”

“They overpaid Dak and can’t afford other players!”

Hard pass on that line of thinking. There’s only one player in the NFL that I will freely agree with you is overpaid, and that’s mostly because Deshaun Watson seems like he’s gone full-on “Office Space” and is just picking up a check until they figure out a way to fire him. Dak’s contract isn’t the issue, quarterbacks are always going to take up a certain amount of the salary cap, and good teams plan for that. This Cowboys team hasn’t, at all. For a team that’s done a good job of drafting lately, they’re not stocking the roster to support that. Maybe some of that is poor planning, or based around Jerry Jones’ policy of not extending contracts until the last and most-expensive moment. And speaking of …

“Jerry Jones (something) the worst (something something) should fire himself (something) launched into the sun!”

I had to sum this one up and leave out a lot of profanity. And honestly, I’ve been hearing this for more than 25 years now. I’m guessing Jerry having his birthday ruined wasn’t enough of a punishment for Cowboys fans.

Honestly, I’m not as far down on Jerry as many of you are, but it still baffles me how a guy who seems to be so good at all of the other aspects of business is so bad at putting a team together. He’s a very powerful figure among NFL owners, but his team just got humiliated at home so badly you could tell Detroit had time to try and figure out how to get an offensive lineman a touchdown. He’s had good luck with drafts, but bad rosters. He built a beautiful cathedral of football, and gets angry when people point out that building it facing the setting sun causes problems.

And as I’m sure you’ve seen, he’s getting testy about it. Which means nothing, really. Asking Jerry Jones to let someone else run the Cowboys is like saying you missed an oil change, so we’re going to let Bill Belichick drive your car from here on. It ain’t going to happen. The best we can hope for is another lucky run with no injuries, limited turnovers, and a running back committee not AARP-eligible.

Time for my week seven picks. Last week I went 4-2, and also 4-2 against the Vegas point spreads. In my defense, I didn’t realize Dallas’ defensive scheme against Detroit involved only suiting up nine guys. Lesson learned there. On the season, I’m now 24-15 and 16-23 against Vegas. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

Houston (+2.5) at Green Bay: In my Bay rankings, I have Green above Tampa, but still behind “Sittin’ on the Dock of.”

Pick: Packers to win and cover, winning by three points or more.

Philadelphia (-3) at NY Giants: Eagles coach Nick Sirianni taunting the Philadelphia home town crowd after a win last week is simultaneously a bad look for an NFL coach, and also absolutely the most Philly thing an NFL coach has ever done.

Pick: Eagles to win and cover, winning by four points or more.

Cincinnati (-5.5) at Cleveland: Fun fact, the Browns only have one player on the roster who has scored more than one touchdown this season, and it’s 34-year-old safety Rodney McLeod Jr. Another fun fact? That fact is not fun for people who are Browns fans.

Pick: Bengals to win and cover, winning by six points or more.

New England (+6) vs. Jacksonville in London: In my mind, the Jaguars are no longer disappointing. They are supposed to stink, and succeed wildly at that expectation.

Pick: Patriots to win it outright, and for Jags coach Doug Pederson to get fired on the way home.

Kansas City (+2) at San Francisco: This is a Super Bowl rematch, and the giant list of injuries on both sides should remind everyone just how hard it is to repeat as a Super Bowl team.

Pick: Chiefs to win it outright.

NY Jets (-1.5) at Pittsburgh: I can’t wait to see what the Jets do to appease Aaron Rodgers next, like maybe hiring his high school coach to be his butler, or stocking his locker with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toys from his childhood.

Pick: Jets to win and cover, winning by two or more points.

I’ll also take the Lions over the Vikings, Falcons over the Seahawks, and the Halloween franchise over Friday the 13th. Good luck, everybody.