Danny Cullins, left, provided inspirational words at the Issac Project with Juana Martinez, right.

It has been less than two years since Issac Angel Aguirre died, and his mother holds his memory as close to her as she possibly can.

“He was such a sweet boy, very outgoing and fun,” Juana Martinez said.

But he struggled with depression, even from a young age and it progressed as he got older, which his mother believes stemmed from bullying at school.

“He got more moody, he had insecurity issues and it seemed whatever was going on inside got worse,” Martinez said.

She took him to get therapy in the hopes he can get the help he needed.

“One day, he just started acting good… like, not throwing those little fits or anything,” she said. “He was calm, chill and… it made me believe that he was past that stage.”

But on Sept. 27, 2021, when Issac was just 15 years old, he died by suicide.

“He left me a letter and he told me that he was tired of fighting with himself all the time,” Martinez said. “He didn’t see the meaning of being here anymore… his depression was too deep.”

In the letter Issac told his mother how much he knew his family loved him.

“That’s when I started to realize that he knew how to hide it, his depression,” she said. “He learned how to be OK when he wasn’t and how to put on an act until he just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Martinez thought he was a typical teenager and was often smiling and being upbeat.

“Now that I think about it, it’s like he just did not want to hurt me,” she said. “I’ve come to realize that depression just doesn’t go away like that.”

Fighting back tears as best as she could, Martinez’s voice broke when she expressed how much she misses her son.

“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about my baby,” she said.

Martinez struggled with coping after Issac’s death until her colleague LaTonya Carter-Beasley stepped in and was a shoulder to lean on.

“She saw me at my worst,” Martinez said. “I was having a really hard time… there were some tough days.”

After talking with Martinez, Carter-Beasley went home and talked to her 18-year-old son and asked if he had ever thought about suicide and his answer shocked her.

“He said that he thought about it and I was like, ‘whoa… you never said anything to me about that,’” she said. “He said that he only thought about it but… I didn’t realize what was really wrong then. But… he was dealing with his dad and his dad had passed away and he had all these different things that he was dealing with.”

Like any parent, Carter-Beasley wanted to think their child is always OK but after talking with her son, she realized that may not always be the case and wanted to do something about it.

“Even the biggest smile just could be hurting behind it… so it really opened up awareness for me also,” Carter-Beasley said. “Her son was only 15 years old… he had his whole life ahead of him.”

Mental health has long been a social issue with a stigma attached that often leads to feelings of shame.

“I needed to open up my community’s eyes… because a lot of our community doesn’t talk about it. They hide it,” Martinez said. “Because it’s something you don’t talk about.”

Martinez realized she could put her pain to use and make something good out of her grief.

“I said to myself ‘why not just put your tears somewhere else and focus on getting something good out of it to help others?’” she said.

Martinez founded Issac’s Project, a newly-founded organization to raise suicide awareness.

With a mission to not only prevent more kids from dying by suicide, both Martinez and Carter-Beasley aim to bring suicide awareness. Martinez founded the organization while Carter-Beasley offered continued support along the way.

“I was trying to give her something to do to keep his name alive… so, we came up with Issac’s Project,” Carter-Beasley said.

Carter-Beasley said it’s important to talk to children to understand what they’re going through.

“Your child could be OK… they could be playing basketball, not getting into trouble and you think they’re OK,” Carter-Beasley said. “But you don’t really know until you talk to them. Something could happen without warning.”

Martinez said that she thought she and her son had an open relationship and talked about everything.

“Like, he could tell me everything and… there were times when he was having thoughts and he came to me and I would make him another appointment and all that. He was fine… he went to the fair on Saturday, played with his nephews on Sunday… but something happened that Monday because that was… was it.”

A lot of kids have a hard time telling others how they really feel. According to Texas Health and Human Services, common signs include excessive worrying or fear, loss or increase of appetite, displaying irrational behavior, increased fatigue, social withdrawal and strong mood changes.

“I want parents to know that it’s OK to accept their children, listen to them and don’t judge because they may not want to talk,” Martinez said. “But you know, when your kid is in the room locked up in the room, pay attention to those kinds of things because those could be a matter of death.”

When it comes down to it, it’s important to let kids know “it’s OK to not be OK.”

“Listen to what they have to say because sometimes a lot of our kids, they feel misunderstood, they feel that they can’t come to us,” Carter-Beasley said. “You can never be too open with your kids. You have to talk to your kid.”

In its inaugural event, Issac’s Project hosted a back-to-school giveaway at Flamingo’s Event Center in Tyler on Friday evening.

“I’m glad to see that the outcome of this is pretty good because I was scared that a lot of people were not going to come,” Martinez said. “I just want them to know that I’m very appreciative. They showed up for their support and hopefully, hopefully at least one life could be changed. One person could get the right information to help their loved ones.”

They hope to be able to do more community events, such as a Christmas drive, to bring in more awareness.

“I miss my baby boy a lot but… I know he is up there and he knows this is all for him,” Martinez said. “This is all for him.”

If you or a loved one is struggling with mental health, visit TurnToSupportsTX.org for resources.