A conversation for the moms who deserve to be spoiled every day — not just on Mother’s Day — and for the dads who might need a reminder why we don’t deserve the women in our lives.

Son: Dad, how did you get the job of being a dad?

Dad: It was pretty easy. God told me he was giving me a child. He said he could give me a daughter, but eventually I might have to trust some other man to love her as much as I do. Wasn’t sure I could handle that, so I asked what else He had, and He said he could give me a son.

With a son, my job would be to teach him about sports, teach him the “pull my finger trick,” and to make sure he knows that women are special and are to always be treated with respect. If not, some daddy who signed up for a daughter might use him for target practice.

So, I got a son and became a dad.

Son: How did mom get the job of being a mom?

Dad: That one is a little more complicated. God expects more out of moms. Your mom doesn’t know this, but I found the list of rules God gave her when she signed up to be a mom. It’s amazing he can recruit anyone to do that job.

Check out the first 10.

1. Moms must be able to endure nine months of bloating, sickness and clothes that don’t fit right just to get to the delivery room, and then they must be able to endure hours of the most intense pain imaginable to bring that baby into the world.

2. Immediately after giving birth, the mom must forget all of the suffering and pain and replace it with pure joy and love. Not sure how they turn that switch on and off so quickly. I broke my toe on a couch 20 years ago and still hold a grudge against that couch.

3. Moms must be able to go days without sleeping or bathing. Men do that all the time, but they are usually out hunting or fishing or they’re glued to the couch watching all three days of the NFL Draft.

4. Moms, most of whom have no medical training, must be able to hear a child cough and immediately know if that noise is simply a cough or if two days down the road it’s going to turn into something worse. She must also be able to look at her crying child’s small scratch and understand the child really just wants some attention, so she must treat the scratch like it was a near-death experience. On the flip side, she must remain calm when the child does have a near-death experience so the child (and the child’s daddy) don’t panic.

5. If the food supply runs low, moms must be able to take a hot dog, three crackers, some Easy Mac and half a pouch of Kool-Aid and turn that into a meal a picky child will eat.

6. Stuff comes out of children that would give Stephen King nightmares, but a mom must be able to clean up both ends of a child and immediately resume loving on that child.

7. Discipline is tough, but a mom will make a child clean up a bedroom, brush his or her teeth, do homework or take out the trash — all with the understanding the child is going to think it is being mistreated.

8. When a child being disciplined mumbles, “I wish I had another mom,” and then rolls his or her eyes in annoying fashion, a mom must be able to refrain from rolling the child’s head across the room.

9. A mom with girls must know the latest fashions and dance fads, watch girlie movies, mend broken hearts and sometimes watch sports even if she hates sports. A mom with boys must understand gross jokes, worms in pants pockets, baseballs through windows, scratching in public and the fact some other woman might eventually break her son’s heart.

10. Moms must eventually let their kids grow up, realizing they are going to make mistakes and she’s not going to be able to fix everything.

Son: Wow. I think I’ll go give mom a hug.

Dad: Son. I wish I could hug my mom, too. Instead, let’s spoil your mom all day, OK?

Son: Sure. But can we do the “pull my finger” trick at least once?

Dad: OK. But not when we’re having lunch with grandma. They have an entirely different list.