Dawn Franks

My morning walk triggered a fond memory in early June, mid-sixties. The water was cold as I jumped into the pool’s shallow end. Slowly walking down the pool steps, my grandmother declared it unusually cold for an early June morning. We were up early for her morning swim to beat the young swimming students who would be arriving soon. As I think back on it, I have no memory of her swimming, but I’m sure I splashed around and practiced my mermaid strokes.

My uncle arrived just before kids began spilling out of cars for several rounds of swimming lessons. I joined my group for the day’s lessons, and my grandmother faded away to her many house chores.

My grandfather and uncle built the small community pool on family land. Teaching swimming lessons was my uncle’s way of coping with the loss of his five-year-old son, who drowned ten years before. It was common to see horses tied up on the fence line by noon as kids came to enjoy a little summer fun.

I remember swimming, but memories of my grandmother are fleeting, sweeping the kitchen and living room floor daily, hanging clothes outside to dry and killing a snake with a hoe melt right into red velvet cake at Christmas time and plenty of hugs.

Time with my grandmother wasn’t about fun; even the early morning swim was joining her morning routine, not for my entertainment.

Today, I hear friends talk about preparations for grandchildren coming to visit. They even talk about cousin camp. Every day is full of events designed to entertain and ensure the children have fun. By the time the week is up, my friends are exhausted and often say their favorite view is the brake lights as the family car whisks them away to their real lives.

I wonder what their grandchildren will remember about the visit.

For some time now, there has been a stark difference between the relationships children and grandchildren have now with their parents and grandparents and what was the norm in my childhood. Psychologists have studied the shift extensively.

Ultimately, they say we have closer bonds between the generations than what existed 50 or more years ago. Despite criticism of overinvolved, overprotective helicopter parents, we are experiencing a shift that suggests adult children are much closer to their parents than in past generations.

Do you suppose those relationship dynamics extend to grandparents? My uneducated answer is yes. It seems that children are more bonded to their grandparents than ever before.

The grandparent challenge is recognizing opportunities to set examples and share life lessons. My grandmother taught me to start early, enjoy a little personal time, dive into chores, and share good food.

There was always room for one more or two at the table and time to raise money for the Odd Fellow and Rebekah Children’s Home in Corsicana and Odd Fellow Home for the Aged in Ennis.

I am sure you are thrilled to know the bond between grandchildren and grandparents runs deep. But don’t let that bond leave you exhausted at the end of an action-packed week with your grandchildren with no lasting memories.

Take time to choose a few activities that can be inspiring and memorable. Share with your grandchildren how you help others. Take them along to donate to one of your favorite charities. Walk in and introduce your grandchild to someone at the charity and let them hand over the donation check. Get them to help you clean out the closets and donate items others can still put to good use. You won’t know what sticks, but they will learn about life with you.

I didn’t know I was learning to be philanthropic from my grandmother. Odd Fellow and Rebekah Lodge members were dedicated to philanthropy and charity. I saw what she did and had the occasional privilege of tagging along. She didn’t explain what we were doing in much detail. I just did whatever she was doing.

I wouldn’t trade memories of my grandmother with anyone. I share a few of them with my cousins. I was busy learning all about charity. What are your grandchildren learning from you?

— Dawn Franks Strategic Solutions provides coaching, planning, and advising services to families, businesses, foundations, and nonprofits to maximize impact and enhance giving. She is the author of The Gift of Giving, available for Kindle on Amazon, and the e-book Giving Fingerprints, available at dawnfranks.com. Contact her at dawn@dawnfranks.com