Ronnie and Judy Cole pose for a portrait at their home in Kilgore on Wednesday.  (Les Hassell/Longview News-Journal Photo)

KILGORE — Every Valentine’s Day, Ronnie Cole gives his wife, Judy, a romantic gift: not a flower arrangement, but a photo of flower arrangements at either Walmart or Brookshire’s. This picture might not be worth a thousand words, but it’s cheap.

“I’ll text her a picture of it and wish her Happy Valentine’s,” Ronnie said. “These flowers won’t wilt. You don’t have to water them, and they’ll last forever.”

Judy laughed. “I actually think it’s pretty funny,” she said.

That’s the kind of humor Ronnie has provided and Judy has endured — enjoyed, rather — throughout their 55 years of marriage — 56 years in March. And it’s part of the fabric that has held their union together. A good sense of humor, they said, will get a couple through some hard times.

So will forgiveness, open communication, faith and, above all, love.

‘The rest of it’s history’

It seems as if Judy and Ronnie’s hearts were destined to collide all those years ago.

Their vehicles nearly were, too. One day, Ronnie was driving a log-hauling truck along a “little ole narrow road” in Red River County, where they both lived, and Judy was driving her car toward him in the opposite direction.

“I kind of pushed her off the road a little bit when I met her,” Ronnie said. “I felt bad about it, so I called her up that night to make sure she was all right. Asked her out for a date, and the rest of it’s history.”

On Wednesday, Judy, 72, and Ronnie, 77, sat side by side on the couch in the living room of their country home outside Kilgore, reminiscing about the past and laughing — a lot. Stuffed and mounted animals Ronnie has killed on hunting trips covered the walls. Outside, the couple’s dogs looked in through the kitchen window. It was a simple afternoon together — just like their first dates were.

Judy and Ronnie met in Clarksville, where Judy grew up. Ronnie and his family moved there from Austin when he was a sophomore. Their families went to the same church, and Ronnie and Judy started dating a couple of years after Ronnie came to town. They’d head to the Clarksville Dairy Queen to get a Coke and then go to Judy’s house to watch TV with her brother and mother. They dated for a couple of years.

Ronnie had other girlfriends before meeting Judy, but he and those other girls didn’t have the electric connection he found with his future wife.

“I was always anxious when I went home to go back and see her again,” Ronnie said.

“Same,” Judy replied.

The law of attraction applied. “I liked him because he was cute,” Judy said.

“Couldn’t help it,” Ronnie replied. “We just got along real well together.”

“We dated a little bit more and more, and one day we was riding around, and there wasn’t none of this getting down on my knee or nothing like that, but just riding around,” Ronnie said. “I said, ‘You wanna get married?’ She said, ‘Yeah, I believe I do.’ So, the way I figured it, if she’d have said ‘No,’ I’d have said, ‘Well, just get out and walk home.’ So, I kind of had it on her there.”

They wed in Judy’s living room March 25, 1969. Only a small group of family members were there for it.

“We don’t have any wedding pictures, because my brother took the pictures, and something was wrong with his camera because nothing turned out right,” Ronnie said.

“And I still loved him, but I was pretty upset for a long time,” Judy said. “He did feel bad.”

Getting help from above

The couple moved to Kilgore a couple of years after getting married. Ronnie worked in the oilfield, and Judy found a part-time job at the Kilgore News-Herald. The couple had two children: daughter Ronna and son Ron.

Working in the oilfield can prove taxing on a marriage in more ways than one. Ronnie would get to work before the sun rose and return after it set — “from can to can’t,” he said.

“It puts a strain a little bit on the marriage, but you gotta give and take a little bit, because I’m trying to make a living for us,” he said.

During economic downturns, Ronnie had his pay cut and got laid off. “It was pretty tough back in those days,” he said.

The couple agreed that financial issues are probably a leading cause of divorce for many couples. So, how did they endure some of life’s more cash-strapped seasons?

“First and foremost, you gotta put God and Jesus Christ, your Savior, on top,” Ronnie said. “You look to Him for all your guidance. It’s not going to be a bed of roses. You’re going to get some thorns every once in a while, but you got to look at God to be able to help you through those times.

“Our marriage, we’ve had some low points. We’ve had some high points. But you dig yourself out of the bottom, looking to God for guidance, and it’s rewarding when you get on top again.”

Tough times didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy their time together, though. They would still go out to eat — by having dinner in the backyard.

Enjoying every moment together

Ronnie’s been retired for several years, though he said Judy keeps him busier working around the house than he ever was while gainfully employed. Judy works for the Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Office in Overton.

Though they spend much of their working day apart from one another, they have consistent communication — and that’s one of the main components of a happy marriage. Judy texts Ronnie when she gets to work and calls him when she’s on her way home. Ronnie expects it. He’ll text her during the day and ask something simple: “How was your lunch today?”

It’s small talk, but it has a big impact. It keeps them close. “Just talk to one another,” Ronnie said. “That’s the main thing.”

As a single man, Ronnie was used to getting up and doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. But as a married man, he’s learned that he ought to communicate his plans with Judy first and vice-versa.

Those simple messages matter. So do the mundane little trips to the grocery store or an occasional night out at a nearby restaurant. (They also don’t stare at their cell phones when they’re at dinner. They talk.)

“We just do everything together, except a lot of the hunting,” Ronnie said. “Her idea of roughin’ it is black and white TV at the Holiday Inn.”

They also enjoy taking care of their dogs, gardening and going on vacations. When they go on a vacation, they don’t hold themselves to a strict schedule. They allow themselves to explore what intrigues them and get off the beaten path. They’ve visited Alaska and Canada, among other locations.

Whether by plan or accident, they have fun. One time, they were driving through Roswell, New Mexico, and unintentionally “got in the middle” of one of the city’s UFO-themed parades.

“I just rolled the window down, and we just started waving,” Ronnie said. “We didn’t have a clue what was happening. I guess they thought we were aliens, too.”

Best advice

About 8% of all marriages last 50 years to reach the golden anniversary, according to the 2018 American Community Survey. About 2% make it to the 60-year mark: the diamond anniversary.

The Coles have some advice for couples looking to stay together that long. Ronnie emphatically declared that, as long as he remembers their anniversary and Judy’s birthday, he’s all right. (He states those dates with such urgency that one might think he forgot them once — once — and learned his lesson.)

Ronnie’s other crucial piece of advice is to follow the two main rules, as he once told a hunting buddy who was about to tie the knot: “Rule No. 1, the wife is always right. Rule No. 2, if the wife is wrong, refer to Rule One.”

Jokes aside, the real reason they’ve stuck together so long is this: “In Ephesians and in Colossians, it says to love your wife as you love yourself,” Ronnie said. “So, that’s the main thing there. I always try to take care of her.”

If they have a disagreement, they resolve it quickly. That involves good old-fashioned listening and compromise. “Communication is really a key to marriage,” Ronnie said. “You gotta be able to talk to each other.”

That communication is vital during life’s saddest seasons.

“We’ve both lost our parents, and when one of us hurts, the other one hurts,” Judy said. “Those times make you stronger and more appreciative of each other.”

Of course, there is a little gift-giving involved. Though Ronnie sends Judy a picture of flowers on Valentine’s Day, come springtime, he’ll get her real plants for her garden.

Those plants, like their love, are truly alive. They must be watered and nourished to grow.

“I still care as much for her now as I did back when I got married,” Ronnie said.

“She may not care that much for me,” he joked. Judy laughed.

“We both have friends who’ve lost spouses because of cancer or different illnesses, and they didn’t have the opportunity to be married 56 years,” Judy said. “We’re grateful that our health is good and that we’ve made it this far. We hope to make it a lot longer.”

“I’m not the same looking guy I was when we got married,” Ronnie said. “She’s not the same looking girl, but to me, she’s just as pretty now as she was when we married.”

“That’s sweet,” Judy replied.

If it hasn’t become apparent yet, the Coles have just about decided that, after 56 years, this thing just might work out.

“I think we’re probably going to be together forever now,” Ronnie said. “We’re kind of like Siamese twins.”

“We’re not perfect, but I don’t know anybody that is perfect. We enjoy each other, so I guess that’s all that matters.”

Much of that enjoyment is derived from humor.

“You have to have a good sense of humor,” Judy said. “Life is too short to stay angry. I’m not saying that we haven’t ever been angry because that is not the case. But don’t stay angry. Be forgiving.”

“People that stay angry shorten their life,” Ronnie added.

And without long life, how else can one be married for 56 years?