Reid Kerr

Remember when you were a kid and you’d ask for a do-over? You know, when you messed something up and wanted another crack at it, like a free throw, or a video game, or in my case, the fourth grade?

I would like to request a do-over on this NFL season.

Everybody deserves a second chance. I certainly do, which is a case I’ve made at various times to my wives, bookies, and numerous judges. The picks I make before the season starts are just semi-educated guesses. And as many of you like to point out, my small-town education included a math class that taught us the exchange rate of squirrel pelts to US dollars.

So let me wipe a few things off the blackboard and try again.

In the AFC I originally took the Chiefs, Ravens, Bills, and Texans to win their divisions. That’s not a bad start,I’m going to stand by all of those. My wild card picks were the Jets, Colts, and Bengals. Let’s swap those out for the Broncos, Chargers, and Steelers.

In the NFC, I didn’t do quite as well. I picked my division champs to be the Cowboys, Cardinals, Packers, and Falcons. Like many of you, I’d like to forget about the Cowboys, so let me pencil in a very surprising Commanders team there. I also took the Eagles, 49ers, and Lions to get playoff spots, so I don’t feel that bad about the season so far. Give me Commanders, 49ers, Lions, and Falcons to win, with the Eagles, Packers, and Seahawks in the Wild Card spots.

I feel pretty good about those. If you’ll look at my resume on LinkedIn, you’ll see I’ve made far worse predictions and assumptions about the future before. And by the way, I’m giving up on the Cowboys, but that doesn’t mean they won’t make the playoffs. That’s the frustrating thing about watching this team and trying to predict anything about them. They have the talent to win, and could certainly do that any week. They haven’t, but they still could go on a second-half tear through the league that makes us all forget about the last month, and march right into the playoffs where they lose as a touchdown favorite to some 9-8 team with quarterback issues. I’m just saying they are chaos, and I can’t bet on chaos, I can only marvel at it and watch it unfold.

Time for my week nine picks. Last week I went 5-1 and also 5-1 against the Vegas point spreads. In my defense, my own personal commitment to irony should have told me the Browns were finally going to win one. Lesson learned there. On the season, I’m now 33-18 and 24-27 against Vegas. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

Dallas (+3) at Atlanta: Adding Dalvin Cook last week really pumped up those rushing numbers, with the Cowboys going from 53 all the way up to 56 yards a game. At this rate, they’ll crack that hundred-yards-a-game goal by next October.

Pick: Falcons to win but not cover, winning by two points or fewer.

Washington (-4) at NY Giants: As a football fan who isn’t a Washington fan, I can at least be happy that this current success had absolutely nothing to do with Dan Snyder.

Pick: Commanders to win and cover, winning by five points or more.

New Orleans (-7) at Carolina: In philosophical terms, this game is definitely a matchup where the stoppable force meets the movable object.

Pick: Saints to win but not cover, winning by six points or fewer.

Chicago (+1.5) at Arizona: I really want to embrace this turnaround for the Bears, because I think a good Chicago team is a great thing for the league. Then I actually watch a game and see them trying to hand the ball off to an offensive lineman, and I just want to sit in the corner with a bag of candy and cry.

Pick: Cardinals to win and cover, winning by two or more points.

LA Chargers (-1.5) at Cleveland: I’m all-in on the Browns with Jameis Winston at quarterback, as long as the opposing defense drops at least two easy interceptions a game.

Pick: Browns to win it outright.

Tampa Bay (+8.5) at Kansas City: Two things I know, the Chiefs are now a defensive team, and the Bucs are doomed. Losing your best two receivers in the same game is the kind of horror story I can only describe as “Final Destination: NFL.”

Pick: Chiefs to win but not cover, winning by eight points or fewer.

I’ll also take the Lions over the Packers, Bengals over the Raiders, and that bag of leftover Halloween candy in my kitchen to last less than 72 hours. Good luck, everybody.