Reid Kerr

We’re almost halfway done with the NFL regular season, or as Kansas City fans know it, “the pre-postseason.” By now, we should have at least a vague handle on the good and bad of the 2024 season so far.

Bad: Panthers, Patriots, Browns.

Good: Chiefs, Ravens, Lions, and that’s the whole list. Everyone else is in the middle and capable of surprising or disappointing us every week.

Bad: My preseason expectations of the Dallas Cowboys.

Good: My preseason expectations of the Tennessee Titans.Which if I recall my exact quote, was “Yecch.”

Bad: What injuries have done to the Cowboys defense.

Good: What karma has done to the NY Jets. This has all the makings of an epic feel-bad story for the NFL’s longest-suffering fanbase.

Bad: Drafting Christian McCaffery with your first fantasy draft pick.

Good: Grabbing his backup Jordan Mason off the waiver wire in a panic five minutes before the Niners first game.Which I did, since most of my fantasy team running backs have either entered the witness relocation program, or the Raiders roster, whichever is worse.

Good: Rookie quarterbacks so far.

Bad: Every quarterback drafted in 2022, except maybe Brock Purdy. And maybe Purdy too.

Good: The NFC North.

Bad: The AFC East. Outside of Buffalo, this year could not have possibly started worse for the rest of the division. And speaking of that …

Worse: Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa saying he loves football “to the death of me.” That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard this year, which is pretty impressive considering this is an election cycle.

Bad: Deshaun Watson.

Good: Not having to see Deshaun Watson again for at least the rest of the season. It’s a good thing for everyone, even him.

Good: The Chargers under Jim Harbaugh.

Bad: The Jaguars under literally every coach they’ve ever had.

Good: The Rams getting two star receivers back from injury.

Bad: The Bucs losing both of their best receivers in the same game.

Good: Saquon Barkley with the Eagles.

Bad: Giants fans angry with Barkley for signing with Philadelphia, when the Giants never offered him a contract. That’s like being angry with a woman getting married to someone else when you never asked her for a second date. Which, come to think of it, I know people who are carrying that particular grudge. Life will continue to be hard for them.

Time for my week eight picks. Last week I went 4-2, and 3-3 against the Vegas point spreads. In my defense, I picked a team to win that was a six-point underdog, so I should probably start proofreading my column before I send it in. Lesson learned there. On the season, I’m now 28-17 and 19-26 against Vegas. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

Dallas (+4 or 4.5) at San Francisco: It feels like the Cowboys are running the same offense I ran when I was five and playing Tudor Electric Football. Run it in circles, then throw it until you’ve lost all of your footballs.

Pick: Niners to win and cover, winning by five or more points.

Indianapolis (+5) at Houston: Joe Mixon, I apologize for downgrading you in my fantasy football draft. Please come back.

Pick: Texans to win but not cover, winning by four points or fewer.

Baltimore (-8.5) at Cleveland: if there’s a single bright spot in this season for Browns fans, it has to be that now, at least they don’t have to listen to head coach Kevin Stefanski awkwardly defend his owner-mandated quarterback choice every single week in an increasingly depressing press conference.

Pick: Ravens to win but not cover, winning by eight or fewer points.

New Orleans (+7) at LA Chargers: The Saints season started out great, turned bad, and is now just awful. Which is basically how every weekend I’ve ever spent in New Orleans has gone. At least, that’s what they told me later when I woke up in jail, a hospital, or on one occasion, a barn in Ponchatoula.

Pick: Chargers to win and cover, winning by eight points or more.

Kansas City (-9.5) at Las Vegas: It feels like the Raiders always play tough against the Chiefs. However, it also feels like the Raiders are one more bad thing away from tanking the season, and that thing might occur during the coin flip.

Pick: Chiefs to win but not cover, winning by nine or fewer points.

Carolina (+10.5) at Denver: Fun fact, Panthers head coach Dave Canales is 1-6 when the other team shows up for the game.

Pick: Broncos to win but not cover, winning by ten or fewer points.

I’ll also take the Lions over the Titans, Packers over the Jaguars, and the house in Poltergeist over The Amityville Horror. Good luck, everybody.