Reid Kerr

Last week was full of excitement around the league, as every fanbase had optimism for the new season.

This week? Let’s all calm down, people.

It’s just one week. Whether your team looked great, like Dallas or the 49ers, or awful like any team that plays in New Jersey, it’s only one week.The Saints looked great against Carolina, but hey, there’s only so many games you get against the Panthers. Cherish those moments.

Yes, the Cowboys looked incredible against the Browns. But Cleveland wasn’t much of a speed bump there. You’re not going to win many games when your quarterback doesn’t seem to want to be there, and spends all his time on the sideline just wistfully staring off into the middle distance like Tommy Lee Jones in a movie playing an old Sheriff who knows he should have already retired and is now in way over his head.

There’s still 16 games to go, and injuries, and long road trips, and arrests, and concussions (sorry Tua) and horrible international fields, and coaches to fire, and hopefully games where the winning team actually scores an offensive touchdown.

We don’t really know anything yet. That’s all we know.

So if you’re riding high, enjoy that feeling. And if your team stunk it up, shake it off, there’s 16 more chances to stumble into a couple of wins before the end of the season.

OK, maybe not you, Giants. But everybody else, sure.

Time for my week two picks. Last week, I went 5-3, and 3-5 against the Vegas point spreads. In my defense, I foolishly thought that teams that didn’t score any offensive touchdowns would probably lose. Lesson learned there. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

New Orleans (+6) at Dallas: Jerry Jones’ approach to contract negotiations is the same as that guy running into the Post Office to file his taxes at midnight on April 15. If he has to give someone else any of his money, he wants to keep it until the last possible moment.

Pick: Cowboys to win and cover, winning by seven points or more.

Chicago (+6.5) at Houston: CJ Stroud is what the Bears hope they have in Caleb Williams.

Pick: Texans to win but not cover, winning by six points or fewer.

Cincinnati (+5.5) at Kansas City: Two conflicting historical precedents here. Under Zac Taylor, the Bengals always play well against the Chiefs. On the other hand, they also always start the season as wobbly as me in a Mexican cantina at last call.

Pick: Bengals to win it outright.

Indianapolis (-2.5) at Green Bay: I don’t know what to think about Colts quarterback Anthony Richardson. He sure looks like he can sling it, but he’s only started 17 games. That’s like playing a year at Carthage.

Pick: Colts to win and cover, winning by three points or more.

NY Giants (+1.5) at Washington: For an extra fee, you can make sure your Sunday Ticket will skip over this game. It’s well worth it, and deductible as a mental health expense.

Pick: Commanders to win and cover, winning by two points in a game I will only read about in passing.

San Francisco (-5) at Minnesota: OK, new rule. Losing the reigning Offensive Player of the Year should at least make a little bit of difference in your offense.

Pick: 49ers to win and cover, winning by six points or more.

I’ll also take the Patriots over the Seahawks, Jets over Titans, and playing on a freshly buttered Slip-N-Slide over playing on a Brazilian soccer field. Good luck, everybody.

Reid Kerr would favor a small fine for anyone using the word “demure.” You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.