Reid Kerr

Since the NFL expanded their playoffs, one thing seems to remain a constant.

In the Wild Card round, the big stories are usually about the losers, and not the winners.

And if you’re a Cowboys fan, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. That loss was a humbling sucker-punch that ruined the entire season for a team with annual unrealistic expectations. And the blame, much like peanut butter, spreads evenly across the entire franchise.

By the way, don’t try these food-related metaphors at home, I’m a trained professional.

You could throw a dart in the locker room blindfolded and hit someone who bears some responsibility for that loss. They were outcoached, outplayed, out-everythinged. Dak wasn’t good, but he wasn’t the one who gave up six touchdowns in the first seven possessions, either.

But would you rather be a fan of the Cowboys or Eagles this week? Cowboys fans are frustrated and mad. Eagles fans are crazed and homicidal. I don’t think there’s a clear favorite among the disappointed, but I wouldn’t bring it up to an Eagles fan. There’s a good chance you could catch a snow-covered battery to the skull. And not C’s or D’s, I’m talking about Diehards.

Meanwhile, Dolphins fans are very thankful for the Cowboys and Eagles, because that takes the attention off of their team and the human-riddle-wrapped-in-a-mystery-smothered-in-secret-sauce that is Tua. Remember when he was an MVP candidate? Remember when he looked shellshocked in the pocket? Both were this season, although one of those things happened far more recently than the other.

For the rest of the teams, it wasn’t the end of the world. The Rams were better than anyone thought they’d be and they lost to a team on a mission. It was a miracle the Steelers made it that far with the quarterback play they were getting. And the Browns had to be thrilled with making the playoffs after starting five quarterbacks this year, and losing in the first round means they can still pretend the Deshaun Watson trade was a good one for one more year.

The best teams are still standing, and the ones that aren’t now have questions that will haunt them all offseason. That’s life in the NFL.

Time for my divisional round picks. Last week, I went 3-3, and also 3-3 against the Vegas spread. In my defense, I fully expected someone from the NFC East to show up for a game last weekend. Lesson learned there. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

Houston (+7.5) at Baltimore: This isn’t the first time the Ravens have entered the playoffs looking unbeatable, and that hasn’t worked out too well for them. Dare I pick an upset here?

Pick: Texans to win it outright. Yes, I dare.

Green Bay (+8.5) at San Francisco: The Packers are to drafting and developing quarterbacks what Michelangelo was to art. Or to nunchucks, depending on what that name means to you.

Pick: 49ers to win but not cover, winning by eight or fewer points.

Tampa Bay (+6.5) at Detroit: Talk about the Cinderella teams or the fanbases all you want, but this is a divisional battle between playoff quarterbacks whose careers were recently left for dead.

Pick: Lions to win but not cover, winning by six or fewer points.

Kansas City (+3) at Buffalo: In their defense, some of the Bills players might be dating famous people too, they’re just too bundled up to be recognized.

Pick: Chiefs to win it outright.

I’ll also take Lamar Jackson to win the MVP, DeMeco Ryans to win Coach of the Year, and “Succession” to win every award ever. Good luck everybody.

Reid Kerr doesn’t even remember what his New Year’s Resolutions were supposed to be. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.