Reid Kerr

NFL: Come in and sit down, Mr. Kerr. Do you have any questions before we start this exit interview about the 2022 season?

Me: Yes, do we have any snacks?

NFL: You’ll find a bowl of party mix on the table, help yourself. Let’s get started.

Me: Uh…those are just little pieces of turf with old Flutie Flakes.

NFL: First, how did you enjoy the season?

Me: Some ups and downs. The AFC is thrilling every week with seven exciting young quarterbacks. The NFC has a couple, but also that “Senior Tour” feel of it. Great to see the Lions and Jags competing again, and Geno Smith with that comeback season. There were some outliers like the way the Colts fell apart, and whatever slow-speed train wreck that was in Denver, but for the most part this is a season where I have no idea who’s going to the Super Bowl. That’s always good for ratings.

NFL: Are you surprised at all about the NFL Coaching Carousel?

Me: Yes. First, I hate that term. It makes it sound like grown men getting fired is part of some kind of carnival activity that takes place on horseback. But I really was surprised at Houston firing Lovie Smith. The Texans have quickly established themselves as the worst management in the league, mostly because Washington is so bad they don’t count anymore.

Here’s the thing about that whole season, and especially the last game. Coaches don’t tank games, and players won’t tank games. Everyone on the field is there to win because that’s their job, and none of them know if they’ll have that job next year, or even next week.

Organizations tank. Guys in the front office with long-term plans tank by building bad rosters and benching players. By week 18, there was no one left to bench on that horrid roster.

So now this organization has shown they can’t even lose properly, and has to convince a quality coach that it will get out of his way and let him stock a roster and find a quarterback. Good luck with all that.

NFL: Any thoughts on the AFC playoff changes?

Me: Honestly, I thought you guys handled it about as well as could be done. That was an impossible situation, and a possible neutral-site game is a “good enough” compromise. Although I find it hilarious Indianapolis turned down the chance to possibly host the AFC Championship game because they already assumed the Colts wouldn’t make the playoffs, and gave the keys to the city to a volleyball tournament.

NFL: Any thoughts on rule changes?

Me: Sure! You know people have no idea what holding or roughing the quarterback looks like anymore, right?

NFL: Oh, we’re aware.

Me: And when did it become OK to end every play in a big rugby scrum? That’s not exciting. And for a league that’s obsessed with safety, why do you think it’s good for players to be stood up, and let people take a running start and hit them straight in the spine trying to get an extra yard out of the play?

NFL: Thank you for your time. Any further questions for us?

Me: Will Tom Brady ever actually retire?

NFL: I’m afraid that’s classified.

On to the picks. Last week I finished the regular season by going 6-5 straight up, and a season-worst 2-8-1 against the Vegas point spread. In my defense … uh, I got nothing. I’ve been doing this too long to be this bad. You guys should have been betting against me since October. Lesson learned there. I finish the season at 72-51-1, and 52-70-3 against Vegas. Overall in my time here at the paper, I’m 381-236-2 picking games, and a still-barely-in-the-red 423-412-25 against Vegas.

As always, my picks are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

Seattle (+10) at San Francisco: I’m picking this one to be a low-scoring affair. As we’ve known since the 1994 NFC Championship game, bad weather slows that San Francisco field down a ton. And also, Deion was definitely holding Michael Irvin, and yes, it still bothers me.

Pick: 49ers to win but not cover, winning by nine or fewer points.

LA Chargers (-1.5) at Jacksonville: This is easily the best match-up of young quarterbacks with great hair we’re going to get for years.

Pick: Chargers to win and cover, winning by two or more.

Miami (+13.5) at Buffalo: Sadly, making the playoffs with their starting quarterback injured has become a tradition for the Dolphins.

Pick: Bills to win but not cover, winning by 13 or fewer.

NY Giants (+3) at Minnesota: The Vikings have specialized in winning close games this season, and also getting blown out very badly. That means this game will either go right down to the wire, or we’ll all be checking out what else is on by halftime.

Pick: Giants to win it outright.

Baltimore (+8.5) at Cincinnati: Somehow Lamar Jackson’s injuries are showing the Ravens how awful they are without him, and simultaneously losing him money.

Pick: Bengals to win and cover, winning by nine or more.

Dallas (-2.5) at Tampa Bay: If the Cowboys lose this one, I fully expect the name “Sean Payton” to be trending on all my social media feeds before the on-field handshakes conclude.

Pick: Bucs to win and cover, winning by three or more.

I’ll also take the Cowboys-Bucs game to go over 46 total points, Josh Allen to throw for three scores, and Kliff Kingsbury to return to coaching in college. Good luck, everybody.

Reid Kerr notices when he visits his parents, he suddenly has a lot more “MASH” and “Gunsmoke” in his viewing habits. You can always tweet questions, comments and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.