DeMent

On May 17 and 20, an 18-year-old man purchased two AR rifles and 375 rounds of ammunition in Uvalde. On the morning of May 24 that young man shot his grandmother in the face. He stole her car and traveled to nearby Robb Elementary School. Then, after crashing the car outside the school and firing shots at two men who tried to help him, he climbed the school’s fence and began firing at the school building. After entering the building, he murdered 19 children and two teachers, and he was eventually killed.

Horrifying does not begin to describe this tragedy. So how can parents help their children maintain their faith in God and the power of love in the face of violence such as this, especially when the target of such violence is children?

The Rev. Kirby Hlavaty, pastor at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Victory Catholic Church, said love is always the best thing to focus on.

“A parent’s steadfast love is always the best example of God’s love in the world. Unfortunately, this lesson cannot be learned quickly or only in the face of tragic events. Steadfast love must be pledged and demonstrated from the moment the child is bought to life. This example will be a constant reminder that the world is held by love even when tragedies happen.”

Pastor Jim Graff of Faith Family Church said preparing our children for the hardships of life is part of the work of parenthood.

“Unfortunately, our children live in a world where they frequently encounter evil in life or through media. It’s difficult to shield them from everything that goes on in the world around them. It’s very important that they see the peace our faith gives us amidst the difficult events of life. It’s important as well, to listen to them and hear clearly their concerns. Our role as parents is to equip them with the skills that make their life pleasant and safe,” he said.

The Rev. Michael Koehler, pastor of Trinity Episcopal Church, emphasizes parents can make use of the healing nature of prayer.

“Walking with kids through tragedy is one of the most difficult parts of parenting, in my opinion. My own wrestling with how to find the presence of God in the midst of such pain and grief can make it difficult to instill confidence in my faith, much less that of my children. But I also think it is in those raw moments of authentic wrestling that God can show up most powerfully in these horrific circumstances,” he advised.

“To parents, I say being honest with your kids about how and why you are grieving is vital. It shows them it is OK to be in mourning, in this most recent case for the loss of innocent lives in senseless violence. And, I also encourage parents to pray through the grief, both within their heart and with their family,” he said.

Koehler wanted to remind families that, “Prayer moves our hearts and provides an avenue for God to speak truth to us. Even if it is as simple as sitting in silence with the victims and families on our hearts, prayer gives a space for God to spur us to action to alleviate suffering where we can. Doing this with your children is an important and moving experience.”

The Rev. James “Jim” DeMent, pastor of First Presbyterian Church, encourages honesty with love.

It is important “for parents to help their children maintain their faith in God, parents must first be secure in their own faith in God. Confronted with the unimaginable horror of children being massacred by a heavily armed maniac, it is hard to imagine how such evil could be present in God’s good world. This reality is enough to try any person’s faith,” DeMent said.

“When tragedy strikes, God’s people are confronted with two difficult theological concepts. The first is that God is sovereign, and the second is that as mortals it is beyond our ability to fully understand God.”

“A sovereign God means that our Creator is more powerful in every conceivable way than we can imagine. If our existence, if our world, is more than some random accident of cosmic atoms, then imagine the omnipotence of the power that created atoms and the cosmos – and us,” he said. “God, then, is greater than we are, and while we may know of God and about God in our religious experiences, we can never fully understand why God has created the world, and us, as he has.”

This is not an easy road to navigate, however. “How to assure a child of God’s presence notwithstanding such uncertainty is of course a difficult task. Having never lost a child to gun violence, I am not qualified to give parenting advice in such circumstances. I do know, however, that a child will want to be assured of a parent’s or guardian’s presence in their lives during this time of great loss and great fear. At times such as these, hugs are more powerful than words,” said DeMent.

“A little extra time spent with a child at bedtime, during a meal, or during a walk is a powerful assurance of security in the child’s world,” he advised. “I also believe that an age-appropriate acknowledgement that a parent does not understand why God would allow a child to be randomly murdered in our country is appropriate.”

But DeMent offers a warning. “Well-meaning parents, desperate to provide explanations and understanding where none can be found, sometimes say things like, ‘God needed another angel in heaven,’ or ‘Your friend is in a better place.’ Children often don’t understand, however, why God ‘needs’ another angel by killing children in school or, in the worst case, perhaps the surviving child believes they would like to be in that better place as well.”

There are words a parent can use to help, of course. “The first most powerful three words that a parent can say are, ‘I love you.’ Many faith traditions believe that this is exactly what God says to each of us as well,” DeMent said. “Often the second most powerful three words are, “I don’t know.” It is OK to be vulnerable with children; if nothing else, it models how vulnerable we all are before God.”

DeMent offers a final reassurance. “‘O God, our help in ages past, our hope in years to come …’ is the opening line of a familiar Christian hymn. In times of trouble, disaster, loss, and fear, God promises us that he is with us, that his help is ever present. If, as adults, we can be secure in that knowledge, then we are better able to help our children be secure in their faith as well.”

Faith Family Church, 2002 E. Mockingbird Lane, Victoria. Go to: myffc.com.

Trinity Episcopal Church, 1501 N. Glass St., Victoria. Go to: www.trinitywelcomesyou.org.

First Presbyterian Church, 2408 N. Navarro St., Victoria. Go to: fpcofvictoria.org.

Cathedral of Our Lady of Victory, 1309 E. Mesquite Lane, Victoria. Go to: www.olvcathedral.org