Giving thanks for Jay Cutler, Tyrod Taylor and things you don’t remember

Published 2:21 pm Wednesday, November 22, 2017

On this special day, I’m very thankful for many things. Some are sports related, of course, with this column in my hometown newspaper coming at the top of the list.

I’m thankful neither Jerry Jones nor Roger Goodell is currently mad at me.

I am thankful I didn’t bet against the Saints this year. Or Drew Brees, ever.

I am thankful I don’t play for the Vikings because over the last two years, that seems like the quickest way to sustain a major injury.

I’m thankful I didn’t tell the Bengals to draft John Ross with the ninth pick in the last draft. After 10 games, Ross and I are still tied with zero catches.

I’m thankful I didn’t bet Miami Dolphins running backs would have more touchdowns than Josh McCown, because they don’t, and I would have lost my house on that one.

I’m thankful the Patriots are still good, because that gives all of America a team to either root for or against.

I’m thankful I got to follow the NFL during the career of Jay Cutler, the human question mark. I would watch a “30 for 30” on this guy any day of the week, just to try and figure out what happened. Remember when he led the Bears to the NFC Championship game? Me either.

I’m thankful no one remembers I picked the Giants to make the playoffs.

I’m thankful as a Bills fan, I didn’t buy that Tyrod Taylor Buffalo Bills jersey like I wanted to. That means I don’t have to sell it on eBay like my Drew Bledsoe and Rob Johnson jerseys.

I’m thankful someone else in my fantasy league drafted Jameis Winston before I got the chance to make that mistake.

While I’m at it, I’m thankful no one in my fantasy league remembers me drafting Jay Cutler this year. I told you I was fascinated by that guy. Sometimes I roll the dice, that’s all I’m saying.

I am thankful I’m not the middle finger of the West Virginia quarterback during the Texas game, because that thing was seriously frightening. Fingers should all be pointing in vaguely the same direction.

I’m thankful I’m not responsible for determining what some of the new touchdown celebrations are, because it’s obvious some of these football players didn’t major in mime in college. I saw one the other day where the running back appeared to be building a pergola, or perhaps finding his birth parents on an ancestry website. I had no idea.

I’m thankful most of you don’t remember when I was on television.

I’m thankful I can finally relax and enjoy my fantasy football team. And no, please don’t tell me about yours, either.

On to the picks. Last week for the second time in a row, I went 2-4 straight up and also against the Vegas spread. I’m consistent, at least. I really thought Dallas would show up against Philadelphia, but I’ve been profoundly wrong in that assumption before.

I’m now 31-33 straight up and 23-39-3 picking against the Vegas odds. Here’s my Thanksgiving picks. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only, and may have been influenced by heavy amounts of turkey and stuffing. No wagering, please.

Minnesota (minus 3) at Detroit: I feel like we’re all focusing on how good Case Keenum has become, and we’re not spending enough time talking about how dreadfully unlucky Sam Bradford is.

Pick: Minnesota to win, Detroit to cover, which means I think the Vikings win by less than three.

Los Angeles Chargers (even) at Dallas: Sean Lee is the heart and soul of that defense, which means the Cowboys regularly have to play with a broken heart and a soul with a torn ACL.

Pick: Chargers to win it.

New York Giants (plus 7.5) at Washington: The Giants have now equaled their longest winning streak of the season, with “one.”

Pick: Washington to win and cover, winning by eight or more.

I’ll also take potatoes over stuffing, rolls over biscuits, and anything other than leftover turkey for Friday’s lunch. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s second book, “I Hate It Here: A Love Story,” is out now on Amazon.com. You can always tweet questions, comments and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.