DEAR ANNIE: I've been estranged from my twin brother for two years, since our sister died after her short battle with a terminal illness. When she was diagnosed, her family gave him power of attorney rights during her remaining time. My brother managed her personal affairs and health care well, but unfortunately, he took his position of authority too seriously. Although our sister was in constant pain and requiring considerable medication, she was still able to listen, think and speak well enough to convey what she wanted. Her wishes did not agree with what our brother wanted her to do, and he expected the family and friends to support him. The rest of us felt that our sister's dying requests took precedence and that we would side with her. Needless to say, this caused a lot of arguments. When she passed and the funeral services were over, we were all relieved, but the quarreling had caused significant damage to our relationships.

His behavior then and now exhibits traits of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and I feel that his immediate family should be aware of this and have him seek professional help. However, my family and friends say to just let it go and forget about it. What are your thoughts? — IN A QUANDARY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: It's clear your twin's well-being is weighing heavily on your mind; otherwise, you wouldn't be researching his possible mental health issues. I'd encourage you to go directly to him with your concerns. Don't bring up the term "obsessive-compulsive personality disorder"; simply tell him that you're worried about him, that you love him and that you think he should get help.

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