I love everything about newspapers.
I get the Longview News-Journal and Tyler Morning Telegraph thrown in my yard six days a week, and the Kilgore News Herald joins them there each Wednesday and Saturday.
I purchase the Dallas Morning News a couple of days a week, and I even get the Erwin Record — the weekly newspaper from the small town where I grew up in Tennessee — mailed to me.
The newspapers must be read in a certain order, and if that order is disturbed, my entire day is thrown out of whack.
A headline occasionally catches my wife’s eye, and she’ll grab that section of the newspaper to give the story a quick glance. She does this, of course, after promising to put the section back in the correct order so I don’t pout.
I’m not proud of that.
Since I’ve been a sports editor in East Texas for 35 years, I read the sports sections first, and then plow through the rest of the newspapers. I read everything, saving my favorite section for last.
I’m talking about the “bargains galore” listings in the classifieds section, something my wife finds odd.
“You hate garage sales, and isn’t the bargains galore section just a printed garage sale?” she asked recently.
I really can’t explain my love for the bargains section or my disdain for garage sales. But, I know I’ve never found a Jim Beam whiskey bottle shaped like Elvis at a garage sale, and I have seen that item listed in bargains galore.
My wife, who claims she loves me more than anything but evidently does have her limits, wouldn’t let me buy it. Nevertheless, it was there for some fortunate individual to take home for the low, low price of $75.
So it doesn’t sound like my wife is a total killjoy, she has let me purchase some pretty cool stuff from the bargainst section over the years.
A bobblehead of former Baylor women’s basketball coach Kim Mulkey (for me), a "My Fair Lady" Eliza Doolittle doll (for her) and some World War II and Civil War bound maps (for my father-in-law) are just a few of the treasures I’ve found in the bargains section.
My son is also a big fan of the section, because occasionally a gentleman lists 100 nearly new golf balls on there for $20. Kyle is taller, better looking and has better hair than his dad ever dreamed of having, but since I’ve visited the golf ball dealer three times since last March, my offspring evidently inherited my golf swing.
I love bargains galore so much, I’ve considered doing all of my Christmas shopping on there.
The hard part is trying to figure out who is going to get the black velvet pants, the "Hooked on Math" book, the Lawrence Welk collector’s edition three-CD set, the offshore fishing rod, a rug that was made in Egypt, the 16-foot extension ladder, the Echo brand leaf blower and the 15-piece Nativity set (like new).
I’m keeping the electric train set for myself.
There’s also a commercial grade vacuum cleaner up for grabs, and I’m thinking my lovely wife might be unwrapping that gem Christmas morning as a little payback for not letting me get the Jim Beam/Elvis bottle.
On a related note, if anyone sees a comfortable couch or dog house for sale in Bargains Galore, let me know.