Hugh Neeld: The Curmudgeon Report

As you probably know by now, Rick Perry (Mr. Goodhair, as Molly Ivins was fond of calling him) has announced that he’ll run for a third term as Governor of Texas in 2010. A third term! When he became Governor, I thought that was not bad for an old West Texas farm boy.

At the time I resolved to learn more about the people who run for and are elected to high office and did some research on Perry. I already knew a little about his legislative experience: House Member, 1985-1990; Commissioner of Agriculture, 1991-1998, Lt. Governor, 1999, and now Governor, but I wanted to go back further to find out what the man was truly made of.

It was encouraging to learn that Rick grew up in the small community of Paint Creek, 60 miles north of Abilene, on his family’s farm and ranch. A fifth generation Texan, farming, ranching and public service ran in his family. His father, Ray, was a long-time county commissioner and school board member. Rick was a Boy Scout, later an Eagle Scout, and helped his mother and father on the farm. By the time I got to this point in my research, I was starting to feel pretty comfortable with our Governor.

Between 1972 and 1977, Rick served in the United States Air Force flying C-130 tactical aircraft in the U.S., Europe and the Middle East. I was beginning to think that, at last, Texas had found the perfect man for its highest office, then I read that he is a 1972 graduate of Texas A & M University where he was a member of the Corps of Cadets and an animal science major.

“Uh oh,” I thought. “I need to go a little further with this."

The only thing I could find in my library that I felt might prove helpful was an old A & M medical textbook (don’t ask me where it came from). At the very least, I thought, it might shed some light on the quality of Rick’s education. The most revealing page was headed “AGGIE MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY” and read as follows:

ARTERY: The study of fine paintings.
BARIUM: What you do when CPR fails.
BENIGN: What you are after you’re eight.
CESAREAN SECTION: A district in Rome.
COMA: A punctuation mark.
COLIC: A sheep dog.
DILATE: To live longer.
FESTER: Quicker.
NODE: Was aware of.
OUTPATIENT: A patient who has fainted.
PROTEIN: In favor of young people.
SECRETION: Hiding something.
SEROLOGY: Study of English knighthood.
TUMOR: An extra pair.
VARICOSE VEINS: Veins which are very close together.

By the time I finished this, my confidence in Gov. Perry had started to erode. I decided, however, that the fair thing to do was give the man a chance. After all, some Aggies have been successful in their chosen fields and even made meaningful contributions to society. Well, Rick has had a good chance to show what he can do, and I think a change in governors wouldn’t hurt Texas all that much.

In closing, let me say that any sign of disrespect for Texas A & M University was un-intentional. As a matter of fact, I consider Aggies among some of my best friends (or they used to be, anyway).

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A question to ponder:

Do 12 dozen Aggies constitute gross ignorance?

putterhugh@suddenlink.net

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Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.

Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.
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