Learn To Manage Intense Child
Coping With Your Child’s Personality
Ever feel frustrated by your high-energy baby? What can you do about a child who screams himself silly when he doesn’t get his own way? A youngster who gets overexcited when a playmate comes over? The experts tell us that there’s probably not a lot you can do to go about changing the way a child tends to react if that tendency is inborn, but there are ways you can help him manage his impulses better- and spare yourself lots of grief along the way.
Ever feel frustrated by your high-energy baby? What can you do about a child who screams himself silly when he doesn’t get his own way? A youngster who gets overexcited when a playmate comes over? The experts tell us that there’s probably not a lot you can do to go about changing the way a child tends to react if that tendency is inborn, but there are ways you can help him manage his impulses better- and spare yourself lots of grief along the way.
Realize that your child’s immature behavioral style is not your “fault” because temperament is biological not something he learned from you. Still it is within your power to help your child cope with his temperament- and eventually to understand himself better instead of feeling sorry for yourself for having an noisy, distractible or shy child. Learn to accept this as his nature and then develop a strategy to help him adapt in a socially acceptable way. Replace a victimized mind-set with an adult resolve to help your child ameliorate his difficulties. Above all, remember that all temperamental qualities can be shaped to work to a child’s advantage if they are sensibly managed.
To become a “manager of your child’s temperament, make sure that you step back from his objectionable behavior for a minute and remind yourself that his shrill shriek of excitement or his irregular sleeping habits are not deliberate reactions but ones he can’t yet control. The key is to switch on the objective part of your mind rather than to become emotionally embroiled in his temperamental difficulties. Through this emotionally “neutral” stance, you’ll be better able to help him modify his reactions because you’ll be thinking rationally.
Develop specific plans ahead of time to cope with troublesome behavior and then enforce them in a sympathetic but consistently firm ways. If your child tend to get wild on family occasions or when he’s with friends, be sensitive to this tendency and take steps to quiet it before it escalates. With a baby you may want to tell your host that you will want to leave the party early. You can also take your child into a quiet room and sit with him until he falls asleep. Follow similar procedure with an older child. Either by removing him from the activity, distracting him with something quieter such as a story hour or a snack or calling a “time out” period.
An infant with irregular biological rhythms will need special structuring from you so that he eventually learns to sleep trough the night, to eat at the usual meal times and to control his bladder and bowel function. In this case, a doctor or child-behavior expert may be able t help to develop a schedule for your baby. For an older child who resists going to sleep, you may have to make special distinctions between bedtime and “sleep-time.” To help him settle down, you can insist that the youngster get into bed at a certain time but permit him to read or play quietly until he feels sleepy. In this way, you are regulating his schedule but still allowing him to relax at his own pace.
Learn to distinguish between behavior that is temperamentally induced and that which is learned. If a child knocks over your best vase by mistake because he is a high-energy child and was running gleefully through the living room, your response should be different than if he broke your vase deliberately. In some instances you will probably be upset and may express your displeasure. But the action you pursue should be different. In the first case you may have to give some thought on how to prevent your child from running through the living room and remembering other ways he can work off his energy while in the house. In the second scenario, you will probably want to discipline the child for his deliberate destruction of your personal property to impress upon him that this behavior is socially unacceptable. With temperament, the goal is always to manage rather than to systematically punish.
By the same token learn to distinguish between a tantrum that is temperamentally determined and one that is deliberately manipulative. Both may look the same because in both instances the child is crying or screaming loudly but the reasons for them are different. A strong-willed and intense child may react to a disappointment with a tantrum but the parent should understand that in a sense the child really can’t help it- that is his innate behavioral reaction. This is in marked contrast to the less intense child who screams and cries in the same way when you say no because he has learned that such behavior will weaken your resolve and make you give into him. Becoming an expert on your child’s temperament will help you distinguish between the two types of tantrums- and then you can react to the tantrum appropriately.
Finally, remember that one of the most important jobs a parent can do is help his child develop self-esteem. That doesn’t mean over-inflating his ego, but rather helping him develop a positive sense of himself with a fair sense of his strengths and weaknesses. Understanding ac child’s temperament is the first step toward enhancing his self-esteem because you will be able to deliver praise sensitively in accordance with his innate tendencies and help him build upon those traits in a positive way
Parenting Strategies For Very Intense Children:
Provide activities that are soothing such as warm bath, massage, water play, stories
Parenting Strategies for Slow-to-Adapt Children:
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