Hugh Neeld: The Curmudgeon Report

Again this Christmas, untold thousands of Americans found a Chia Pet under their trees. Thank God, I wasn’t one of them.

I don’t know what it is about Chia Pets that leave me so unmoved, but that’s the way it is. They’re advertised on TV to such an extent that it’s impossible to avoid, and a lot of people (mostly those who are desperate for ideas), take this path of least resistance.

I also think that most people who receive them give little thought to what becomes of their Chia Pets after the holiday season is over. It makes me a little sad, too, that few Chia owners realize that the proper disposal of their pet is crucial in averting potential environmental disasters.

Just the other day, I read an article in my favorite newsletter, "Unstable Sources," on this very subject. It reported on several local outbreaks of what is now being called Wild Chia, presently spreading rapidly along the I-40 corridor in New Mexico.

The actual Chia plant is not native to planet Earth, but was created artificially under strict laboratory conditions in an effort to promote the sale of clay pottery and sound-activated electrical switches. What happens when the Chia Pets are allowed to propagate in the wild is shaping up to be New Mexico’s worst ecological nightmare.

The article went on to say that a renowned Texas A&M botanist, Alex Greenhouse, felt the problem should not be taken lightly. He believes that, unless something is done immediately, all the red-rock formations in New Mexico will be covered by Chia Pet plants within five years. It makes sense to me in a way, because the natural landscape of New Mexico is just like the clay pottery Chia Pets are supposed to thrive on. If they have any natural enemies, I’ve never heard of them. What’s to stop them?

The article ended with this prediction: “Without anything to check the spread of these plants, they will cover the state in a relatively short time, and ultimately destroy all life on Earth.”

This might sound a little scary, but don’t lose too much sleep over it. Just remember that “Unstable Sources” is right only about 50 percent of the time.

---

A question to ponder:

If a tin whistle is made of tin, what is a fog horn made of?

putterhugh@suddenlink.net

---

Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.

Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.
()