Lauren Keaton

It is no secret that the divorce rate in America has reached epic proportions; becoming increasingly mainstream and dramatically changing our social values and expectations.

In 1996 Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton and Bette Midler starred in "The First Wives Club," a tale of a divorcee trio getting back at their ex-husbands who are moving on, moving up and dating younger.

The tongue-and-cheek catch phrase became a female-empowerment slogan: "Don't get mad. Get everything."

More than 10 years later, Debra Messing began appearing on our television screens in a McMansion wearing designer clothes, shimmering pearls and a forced toothy smile.

Her character, a former Hollywood movie exec missus, Molly Kagan, has been freshly downgraded from "wife of" status to "The Starter Wife."

So, she retreats to Malibu, learning to live her life post-divorce.

As Messing took on her USA network character in "The Starter Wife," a foremost fear of the married female became a front-and-center reality: is my time coming?

But, this is not just limited to women.

The other night, I was watching my new favorite show "Big Shots" on ABC.

In the pilot, viewers watched the wife of one big business CEO cheating on her husband with his former boss...and she would have soon left if a freak accident hadn't killed the object of her affection.

A little soap opera-esque, I know... but, the wandering wife was ready to move on and up (reminiscent of "First Wives Club") before her opportunity ended.

I can't speak for men; but I know, as a woman, all of this increasingly typical uncertainty gives me pause.

Even when you stand in your white gown, promising every syllable of your vows, can you be sure the person on the other end will keep their promise?

Or did they even mean it while saying "in good times and in bad?"

Being a 23-year-old girl, looking for my life-partner, I wonder: are we all destined to be "the starter wife?"

Not only are the younger men and women in America making the decision to call it quits, but I constantly hear about couples divorcing later in life too.

Maybe because they have wanted to for years and society has given them the green-light.

Maybe it's the "independent" mentality.

Or maybe it is unusual that I'm even questioning it.

According to a study on USATODAY.com, recently the divorce rate has started to decline.

Don't jump up and down just yet, though.

Research shows the reason for the dropping rate is "cohabitation," a.k.a. living together- the test-driving before you buy line of thinking.

Or perhaps never "buying" at all.

The Web site quoted David Popenoe, a Rutgers sociology professor and report co-author, saying "Cohabitation is here to stay. I don't think it's good news, especially for children. As society shifts from marriage to cohabitation - which is what's happening - you have an increase in family instability."

Here is a true story: a few months ago I was speaking to one of my friends in the northeast, they told me they were a "traditionalist" saying "I believe in living together first, before you get married... it's just the smart thing to do."

Of course, I almost jumped through the phone... living together is traditional now?

And the sociology professor may be right; bringing kids into such an unstable environment will probably taint their future romantic views.

It is hard for me to trust my relationships and my parents have been incredibly happy in their marriage for more than 30 years.

Of course, no marriage is like a fairy tale, but I hope after that long together, my future husband looks at me like my father looks at my mother.

But the hard truth is that love is not all that matters-when I take that step, I want to make sure I am with someone who will stick by me no matter what.

I am not settling for "I will love you forever, but sign this pre-nup, just in case."

Like we all know, life throws curveballs.

In my early 20s, I am sure I don't know what curveballs even are yet... but, I do know one thing: unless you really mean "'til death do us part" there will be plenty of reasons to walk away.

So, until I can say that and mean it, I have to keep my left-hand finger bare.

And after I do take the plunge, hopefully I won't end up joining the starter wives in Malibu.



Lauren Keaton covers Arts and Entertainment for the Tyler Morning Telegraph. E-mail her at lkeaton@tylerpaper.net.

Lauren Keaton
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