Hugh Neeld: The Curmudgeon Report

In case you’re not aware of it, September is Be Kind to Editors & Writers Month. Although it’s not as well-known as many of the special weeks and months we observe, it’s worth a pat on the back to any writer or editor you know—or better yet, a box of Krispy Kreme donuts.

When I opened this morning’s paper at the breakfast table, I began to suspect that this would be a day like all days of late. The stock market was the lowest it’s been in a long time, the war in Iraq is far from resolved, and politics as usual. We’d already been notified that the cost of our medical supplement insurance was going up and the house needed major repairs. You can see the depths to which our fortunes have sunk and the reason I don’t answer to the name Lucky.

Before tears begin to blur your vision, however, I must admit to a stroke of good luck. Since I took up writing a few years ago, I started entering writing contests. If you subscribe to writing magazines, such as I do, the opportunities are limitless. There’s a section in most of these magazines publicizing writing contests, sponsored by writing clubs, schools, publishers, etc. They offer cash prizes for entries in different categories, but there are entry fees, too. I had
some luck a couple of times, winning a nice award suitable for framing, and a check, sometimes for enough to cover the entry fee. Not a living, but good experience.

Then, the other day, I received a letter from The National Authors Registry, sponsors of The President’s Awards for Literary Excellence. It was on an expensive looking letterhead addressed to me personally, and signed by The Registry’s editor. I was impressed. Here’s what it said:

BY INVITATION ONLY

Celebrations of Honor: the President’s Award for Literary Excellence 2007

Dear Hugh Neeld:

The National Authors Registry proudly announces that you have been selected to receive the Presidents Award for Literary Excellence 2007 for your literary work, ”Gardening for Golfers,” which won Honorable Mention in the fall literary awards.

An extensive search determined you were among the small percentage of writers with the rare talent necessary to be awarded this distinction. Congratulations! Because of your achievement, you are invited to appear in a very special collection of literary works written by some of the best writers from around the world.

The edition, Celebrations of Honor: the Presidents Award for Literary Excellence 2007, is a beautiful hardbound book crafted for enduring beauty and made of the finest materials to survive for generations as a family heirloom. Your piece will be published in this special collection of award winning literary work. To own a copy, simply return the enclosed reservation form with payment of $49.95 by the deadline. Other ways to commemorate this great distinction are suggested on the back side of the reservation form.

Congratulations again on your fine achievement. You have a remarkable talent for which you should feel very proud.

Sincerely,

Editor, NARE

I haven’t responded yet because I can’t decide from all the options available. The special Bonus Savings Package for $341.70 is nice, but I’m not sure I need the engraved brass plaque on walnut base and the news releases.

Whether I participate or not, I plan to keep this letter to read whenever I feel our luck has run completely out.

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A question to ponder:

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

putterhn@suddenlink.net

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Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.

Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.
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