Hugh Neeld: The Curmudgeon Report

When people today talk about spam, they’re usually not talking about the food product that was so popular in World War II. No, they’re talking about that relentless stream of unwelcome ads and special offers that inundate your e-mail.

E-mail is a miraculous way to communicate quickly and easily with family and friends — that’s what it was designed for. Of course, it didn’t take the con artists long to figure a way to make a buck with it. The ads (many of them not suited for family viewing) are called spam. The glut of ads has become so severe, the Direct Marketing Association has voted to help preserve its members’ ability to send commercial e-mail by teaming up with the FBI to help nab spammers. The only problem is the DMA is hesitant to define spam for fear of stepping on its members' own toes.

Not long ago President Bush signed the so-called “can spam” legislation passed by Congress earlier. Federal Trade Commission Chairman Timothy Muris says that the laws in place to regulate spam are not enforced

“Most spam is already so clearly illegitimate,” he said, “that the senders are no more likely to comply with new regulations than with the laws they now ignore.”

Meanwhile the real Spam, a product of Hormel Foods in Austin, Minn., is still around. As a matter of fact, this year marks their 70th anniversary which they’re celebrating with three new varieties and a “cool t-shirt” offer. They even have a Spam Museum, which opened in 2001. Here’s how it’s described on their web site:

Museum visitors will be welcomed to the world of Spam’s family of products with interactive and educational games, fun exhibits and remarkable video presentations. Just as every Elvis fan longs to visit Graceland, Spam fans worldwide now have a pilgrimage to make.

I like Spam all right. It’s just not as pivotal to my diet as it was in the Navy. Maybe if I was in Austin, Minn., on business I’d stop by the museum, but a pilgrimage? I don’t think so.

Spam did have a major role in World War II. At one time, during the first couple of years, Hormel sent 15 million cans of Spam a week to troops. By 1944, 90 percent of all Hormel canned goods were going to the armed forces.

A recent newspaper story said that Hormel Foods reported a nine percent drop in third quarter earnings, citing lower sales and excess inventory the reason. I wonder if the fact that their product and the e-mail ads share the same name could be a factor. Might be a battle between good and evil, you know.

Hormel is hanging tough, though, coming up with new varieties, packaging and advertising. An example of this aggressive marketing approach is the limited-edition tin they came up with for Hawaii. It featured hula dolls in grass skirts and a recipe for Spam musubi, a strip of fried Spam wrapped around a rice ball held in place by dried seaweed. Not much has been heard about that one recently.

I‘d like to see e-mail spam eradicated, but I don’t think it will be. Hormel’s Spam Museum fact sheet claims there’s a 400-foot long conveyor belt in the museum carrying 800 cans of Spam.

That’s exactly what awaits me in my computer every time I turn it on.

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A question to ponder:

Is a successful diet the triumph of mind over platter?

putterhugh@suddenlink.net

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Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.

Hugh Neeld is a freelance columnist for TylerPaper.com.
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